The Everyday Struggles
by Fire is in my name
Summary: We all know what happens during the rebellion and in the epilogue, but what happened in between. Does Katniss and Peeta live like in the Quater Quell, with a prospering romance? Do the two end up breaking off their romance because of the pain? Do they learn to grow stronger because of what they have left to endure? First official fanfic guys, reviews are very welcome
1. The Beginning of A New Life

**A/N: Alright guys, this is my first official fanfiction on any website. I would greatly appreciate reviews both good and bad. Also, sorry this chapter is so long, it just didn't seem good to cut it short anywhere.**

The morning air flowing through the open window is brisk and the sun starting to rise. I know this before my eyes even open. Autumn is setting in again, almost a full year since she lead the rebellion that resulted in our new country of Panem. I become aware that I am in fact holding her in my arms, the girl I have always loved. The girl, that birds would fall silent to, listening to her sing. The girl that helped me find the light in my insanity.

I open my eyes and inhale the smell of her shampoo; nothing like the ones given while I was in the Capitol recuperating, however just as elegant and more natural smelling. I move strands of hair out off of her forehead as I patiently wait for her to wake up. Katniss Everdeen, whom with her dark brown hair that always left strands covering her forehead but always in a single braid. Katniss Everdeen, whom always looks more pleasant to a stranger when she is asleep than awake. Katniss Everdeen, the only girl who knows what I've been through and the only girl to care for a slightly insane-no broken-young man.

She opens her eyes finally and peers up at my from her position on my chest, my first words that I utter are, "No nightmares?" though this seems old to many other people. If they were to know what the two of us have been through they could possibly understand why I insist on asking every morning that there are no nightmares where Katniss thrashes in bed, if she had any at all.

To answer my presumptions she replies, "No nightmares." With that I continue to hold her in my arms a while longer as we watch each other. Neither of us speak, but that is okay with us. No words need to be spoken, just as long as I am with her. Finally after a lifetime of staring at one another we decide it is to get up and start the morning.

The sun has fully risen by the time we are finished in the bathroom. In the kitchen where we meet each other after she finishes her shower, the bread I made yesterday sits on the table, I pour a glass of milk for her and then for myself, and I begin to make bacon and eggs for us to eat. Greasy Sae, the vendor from the Hob, the black market where Katniss made her living before the first Games, rarely comes by now that I am here. She knows I will not let Katniss starve nor has Katniss attempted it in these last few months.

At first it was hard, even with me or Greasy Sae there coaxing food into her. I gave her the cheese buns she loved so much until she realized that I wasn't going away. For me it helped keep mind off of the still frequent hallucinations and nightmares, and it helped me gain Katniss back little by little. I think I was harder in accepting Katniss this time than she was me. However even the torture that the Capitol put me through couldn't break mine and Katniss's relationship.

As Katniss and I sit at the table sitting across from one another Buttercup, Katniss's late sister's old cat, rubs up against my artificial leg. At first I don't realize it until I extend that leg out and feel something harder than air move out of the way. He meows, hisses, and swipes at the leg. I lower my hand filled with one strip of bacon to feed him. That's all he ever does: hisses, eats, and watches over Katniss and I.

I look up to see Katniss staring at me with a little less than a scowl—it makes you wonder if that is her permanent expression—nonetheless that's when it hits me. A flashback. I instinctively grab the wood of the table with all my strength forcing my knuckles to pale. Katniss knows immediately, for she is already up and half way across the kitchen. She still puts distance between the two of us when my flashbacks come, afraid I will strike out again, but never leaves the room. This flashback, I am uncertain if it is real or an effect of the venom. I lay with Katniss in a cave, with water dripping down from the cracks in the rocks. Her body is hot to the touch, she has a fever. I get up careful not to stir her, and grab the plastic sheet to stuff in the cracks to prevent the water from reaching her. That's where I start to see the shining of the rocks, however I am unaware of if it is from the water or not. I peer around me and everything is starting to shimmer and shine. Even Katniss when I look at her unconscious body.

As the flashback continues I begin to feel uneasy, my knees buckle although I'm still sitting down. I feel my gait shift under me and I realize I'm about to fall out of my seat a moment too late. I come crashing to the floor, save my face from getting hurt my body will be covered in bruises later. The fall breaks my trance and when I look up, she is not there. Katniss did not remain in the same room as me. Nor is she here comforting me on my fall.

Slowly I get up, careful to place my feet underneath me in a supportive way. Once I am steady and stable I call out her name. Without an answer I become frantic, where is Katniss? Did she become so frightened she ran to the woods where she can find solace? Did she freak out at my state and huddle in a corner in the closet, just like what Haymitch says she always did? I walk out of the kitchen area and crane my head in every direction to try and find a tell-tale sign of where she wandered. The door to the front has not been touch to the best of my knowledge. I go through every room on the two floors to look for her. I check every corner and behind or under every piece of furniture the rooms have to offer. Other than the breeze from the open windows and my own presence the house is empty of life.

I decide to check the closet in the bedroom. If her father's old hunting jacket is missing then I definitely know where she is. However, when I find it there in its usual spot I know that she didn't head to the woods. I walk to the front door and open it. It has started to rain. I know I should go and close all the windows in the house but I don't. I walk the perimeter of her house in the Victor's Village, where we both live. I've only been in my own house twice since I've been back. That house does not feel like my own, not since before the Quarter Quell last year, and not really ever before that.

As I walk the perimeter I pass by the evening primroses that I had planted the day I got back. There seems to have been a disturbance in the bushes, and the leaves that have fallen from the nearby tree seem to have been crushed. I look up to the window above the bushes of roses and notice that it is opened more than I normally have it.

Now I know I'm no good at tracking but I do know Katniss well enough to know that she would have used this window because it is in the direction of the kitchen where she had fled. I also know Katniss to know that she wouldn't venture into the ashes that still scatter the town, and that if she would have gone to the woods she would have taken her father's jacket. There is only one other place I think she might be. Haymitch's.

As I walk the steps leading to the front door of his house, I hear noises coming from inside. Though very faint from the rain that has started down at a heavier flow, I can make out some of the conversation. Without a doubt Katniss is here, and is confronting Haymitch about something. "Listen sweetheart, it's going to take time to heal. We've already talked about this. Think of what you've already been through; you gave up your chance to live so that your sister could survive when you volunteered in your first Games. You willing would have sacrificed your life if it meant saving him in the second, you lead a whole rebellion that overthrew the government, one where it did both physical and mental damage to your already broken state. You have also survived six months since he's been back-"

I cannot hear what Haymitch says next, either because his voice trailed off or he dropped it to a whisper. The next thing I hear is Katniss, "You know it'd be a lot easier if you were to visit more often instead of drinking your life away. Even if I hunt everyday it still wouldn't be easy having to face all this. Everytime I see him like this I panic. I fear that he will lapse and go back to-" This I know Katniss didn't drop her voice because it faltered on the last words.

That's when I realize what drove Katniss away today. She is afraid I will revert back into a play toy that the Capitol created, that I will attempt to kill her. I can help but feel offended at this. After all that we've been through the last six months have been what I thought of as progression to normality but apparently my thoughts were not reciprocated. My first thoughts are to break open the door and demand a little acknowledgement from her on my progression, however I refrain myself to listen to the conversation a while longer.

"You well know that I want Peeta to get better just as much as you do, but as I've said before, put yourself in his shoes. He's on a road to recovery and is making an attempt to find normalcy in his life. Any minute he can turn back around again go back to the muttation he was molded into, but he doesn't. Now why do you think that is? Certainly not because it's easier going forward than it is to turn back. No, he did it because he wants to be with you. Whatever you did that broke him while you were trapped in the Capitol helped him see what he wants to do now. It's going to take time."

If there is any response from Katniss I cannot hear it because I am still turning over what Haymitch said. Haymitch has stuck his neck out for me because he believes I will get better. He knows sure enough I will be myself again and that we can live a fuller life. He also mentioned that he's talked about this before, or at least similar conversations. How many times, I wonder.

I decide that if I am to go into his house now is a better time than ever. I open the door and step inside. The talking from the kitchen stops abruptly and Katniss meets me in the doorway. "Hey," she says. That's it. No "I'm sorry" or "How do you feel?" or "Are you okay?" just a simple "Hey".

I don't answer immediately; I look at her trying to discern what might be going on in her head. From what I told from her conversation with Haymitch before I walked in she didn't trust me but now that I look at her face to face she seems worried. So I answer, "Hey, Hey Haymitch. What were you doing here Katniss?"

Haymitch nods his acknowledgement and Katniss wraps her arms around my neck, but I could see her stammer before she answers me, "I-I… I got worried about you. You had a contorted look on your face. And I asked Haymitch if there was any way to speed up your healing process."

I turn to Haymitch but rather than saying anything he just waves his hand saying he's not getting involved. "So you don't think I'm making progress?" I ask choosing the words carefully. If she believes this was so then she might not want to be near me while I recover. Although it is a ridiculous thought since she has helped me more than she would ever know. Her just being with me and not running away is phenomenally significant in itself. Besides, she was more than happy to see me when I finally came back from the Capitol.

She hesitates before she answers, "It's not that I don't believe you are making progress, because I do. It's just I—I don't know maybe I'm too impatient. I want it to be like before the Capitol stole you away from me. Where I never had to worry about you… you know… hurting anyone, or even hurting me."

I knew this shouldn't upset me but it did. I pushed her away from where we stood and spat, "Have I ever tried hurting you since I've been back? Have I ever had a falter in my inner battles between myself and what the Capitol created? Have I ever been anything but careful around you? You know for a fact that I have to refrain myself from being what I used to be with you just in case I do have a slip up, but have I? Have I ever come close?"

Katniss backed away even further from me. Hurt in her eyes, I can tell I crossed a line. But not the one that brought her to think of me as insane. She looks more concerned for me than for herself at this point. "No but-"

"But what Katniss? Just like Haymitch said. It's going to take time for me to not have any more venom induced hallucinations. Hell for all we know they will never truly go away!" I am one level away from shouting at the top of my lungs. Luckily we're not in public making a scene. I try to calm myself before I speak again. "You know what," I steady my voice to just barely above a whisper. "Come get me when you grow up and stop thinking of yourself. You know where I will be."

With that I walk away from my true love and the only friend that might have any idea as to how to help me—her—us. I bolt out the door and decide to go to my own house in the Victor's Village. There I find I have clothes to change into. The rain had poured down at a heavy but steady rate while we were in Haymitch's house.

**A/N: Remember! Reviews, reviews, reviews!**


	2. Uncertain of Whether To Mend

**Katniss's POV**

I could feel my heart breaking when Peeta stormed out of the house. I could also feel my blood boiling once he called me childish. However it was Haymitch that threw me over the edge. Of all the things to do he starts cackling, I know this shouldn't surprise me-and it doesn't really-but it did make me mad.

I give him a nasty stare which just brings him to more cackling. "Look Haymitch-"

"No you look. The boy might have a point to what he says. Either you learn to live with the way he is or you don't get to keep him. Also, just as I said two years ago. You can live a hundred times and still not deserve him. _Even _if he never gets better." He says suddenly in a serious tone.

I am really starting to get pissed off with both Haymitch and Peeta interrupting me all the time. So to pass the silence I walk to the sink fill up a tall glass of cold water, and throw it at Haymitch who still sat at his kitchen table. Half of it landed on the floor but enough of it landed on Haymitch for him to jump up and glare at me.

"Don't you think I know that! I have been trying to be a better person for Peeta to love. And I do believe he is making progress; it's just hard seeing the contorted faces he makes at every hallucination!"

Before Haymitch could say any more I am already out the door and into the rain. I run to my house slam the door, lock it, and slump to the ground against the door. I sit there for hours and somewhere between the time I first sat there and decide to get up and go to bed I start crying. I can't help but feel like I'm losing him again, my boy with the bread.

Once I strip down and take a shower the rain has muted to a misty shower. I know that I should go and apologize to Peeta but I don't want to, I don't want to think about what he said. I instead jump into bed naked with only my comforter for warmth and protection. No matter how much I try avoiding thinking of what Peeta says it keeps popping in my head.

I think about it for the whole night, unable to go to bed. I don't want to experience any nightmares that might come and nor can I let my mind settle down from the day's events. Was I being childish today? I thought I was doing something right by worrying about him? I want him to get better and I don't to see him hurting anymore, so what was wrong with asking Haymitch for help?

Somewhere in my sorrow I wind up falling asleep. I think it was near sunrise because when I wake it is already midday. I wake up to the sound of a telephone ring. I run down the stairs and pick the receiver up without saying a word. For a moment there is nothing but silence and then Dr. Aurelius asks the question, "Where is Peeta?" I immediately hang up the phone. Dr. Aurelius the psychiatrist that watched over the lot of us past victors knows when it is Peeta or I who pick up the phone. Peeta always greets the caller whereas I wait for them to talk.

I don't want to speak to anyone but Peeta now, however I refrain from going to his house or the newly built bakery. The bakery was one of the last buildings to be made when District 12 was rebuilding. It barely finished two weeks ago, and Peeta works thirteen hour shifts baking all day long. I am happy for him because he is gets to concentrate on other things and he rarely has flashbacks or hallucinations while baking.

I trudge back to my room passing a wet floor in the process. I look to the ground; there is a puddle of water that leads from the window. The open window. Peeta never closed the windows yesterday. Peeta never thought to close them is more likely. He's not so rude to purposely leave the windows opened knowing that water would get into the house, would he? No, of course not. I go to one of the other rooms in the house one that belonged to my mother, since it was less heartbreaking to go into this one than Prim's. I grab a towel from her bathroom and lay it across the puddle of water. It quickly gets soaked but there is little water in the walk area.

I shut the window and grab another towel. Mop up all the puddles in the house with the towel and then grab the broom and mop and clean the floors. I then go take a shower and put on my hunting boots, pants, a jacket and then my father's jacket. To keep my mind off of Peeta I decide to go hunting. I load my game bag with a few fruits and the last of the cheese buns that Peeta made the day before yesterday. I'm out and in the meadow within fifteen minutes. I avoid walking into town or near my old house in the Seam. I don't want to feel yet another heartache.

I avoid my old hunting spot however I don't forget to check the strawberries on my way around. With the beginning of the autumn season these bushes are going to freeze over soon. So I grab as much as I can carry while still having room for my game. I think of going to the lake house but I stop myself what if I were to find decaying dead bodies. I can't bring myself to that and decide to find a new hunting spot.

I spend hours in the forest, most of which were spent doing nothing, however I did get a few good game. A wild dog, a wild turkey, a few fish I found in a nearby pond as well as Katniss tubers. With a little more than I could carry I nearly collapsed when I brought the dog to Greasy Sae's house. She enjoyed the dog the most and would be able to use it in her stews. As for the turkey I gave to the new butcher in exchange for a the legs of the turkey. I took the strawberries, tubers, and fish home.

And when I get home someone is waiting for me. Or at least I think she was her for me. Her blue eyes looked at me in concern.


	3. Unexpected Visitors

**A/N: I, myself hate excuses but I must tell you this. My internet connection was down. I had this chapter written up later in the day I released the second one, but it wasn't until today that I got my connection back. Sorry for the wait. Enjoy!**

My mother sits in the living area, with a cup of water in one hand and an almost distant stare in her eyes. However her eyes show that they are concerned for me. I think. Or maybe she's trying not to relive the memories that play in my head all day long-the ones about my father and Prim. After dumping my game bag on the kitchen table I walk past her and sit on the rocking chair. I haven't seen her since I was in the Capitol after the rebellion was over and the last time we spoke was… a month ago.

"Mom?" I ask. I didn't know what to say, not really. We don't talk on the phone much she keeps herself busy with work. So why did she decide to come all the way out here? It couldn't have just been for me, could it?

"Hi Katniss. I'm sorry to barge in without you knowing but Peeta said it'd be good for you to see me."

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name. "Y-you spoke to Peeta? Today?"

"No not today. Last week. I called the house and he answered saying you were out in the forest again. I asked if you two would like to visit District 4, but he said he had to man the bakery. I got off just to see you."

I believe it. Kind of, at least. She wouldn't come back unless there was something she needed. I smile. I can't think of what else to talk about so I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Did you know that the Capitol will build a medicine factory here, in place of the mines?"

She stares vacantly out the window, nothing is out there but trees, however I know what she's doing. She's thinking of past. Of father and his accident in the mines. When I first found out about the medicine factory I was infuriated. I don't know why really, but I only thought of my father and him being trapped inside. Then I snapped out of my thoughts, there is nothing left of him. He was destroyed, and with the flattening of the mines no one else would have to be brought to the fate he had.

"That is good hon." She says finally.

Something about the way she spoke made me disbelieve that she is not only here for me. So I ask, "Why are you here? Why are you _really_ here? I know it can't be because of me."

"I am here for you and Peeta as well, but I also came to give you a message." She says tugging at the edge of her coat pocket. "By the way. Where is Peeta? I would have thought he'd be here from the bakery by now."

"He's uhh… got something he needs to do tonight. He's not going to come here." I don't want my mother to know that Peeta and I are not on speaking terms. Hell, I don't even want to admit it. She analyzes me, my body language, and I become aware that I clenching my fists really tightly they are paling. I release them immediately.

"Katniss what is the matter? You seemed distracted when you came in the house. And now this." She indicated my hands.

"I'm just hungry, that's all. I have fish, tubers and strawberries when I was out hunting. I'm going to go cook now." I say. I need to keep myself busy, if I don't I might just go crazy with anguish.

We walk to the kitchen and I grab my game bag. Taking out the fish and tubers my mother grabs a pot to make a stew. I cut the potatoes and she fillets the fish, we set them to cook and she goes off to wash up. I wasn't asking for my mother to stay the night, but I can't necessarily say "no" to her either.

Besides, as much as I hate to admit it. I do miss seeing my mother. I just don't like the vacant look in her eyes, the way she doesn't seem to realize me unless something is wrong, and just… yeah, the way she was too weak and forced me to care for her and my younger sister when I, myself, was still just a kid, too.

I stare out the windows near the table and I am too late to realize that he is doing the same. Peeta is in the street across from the window I am staring out of and we lock eyes. Neither moving. Neither looking away. Neither blinking. And my world just fades away. It is just me and him, no house, no mother, no fighting—but yet I can't seem to reach him. If I make a step he drifts further away from me, I open my mouth he will not hear me, it is as though we are a thousand miles apart, a thousand centuries, a thousand words of apology and forgiveness. I don't want this, but I don't move from my spot. I am a horrible person for not moving but I can't make myself move from where he holds my gaze. I am entranced by the intensity of his eyes, by those piercing blue eyes that haunted my thoughts last night. Those memories that would not allow me to sleep, not until morning came.

I didn't notice when my mother walked back in the room, because before I knew it she is standing beside me looking at where I stare. Although Peeta no longer stands there I cannot look away. My chance up and flew out of that window that separated us. The thirty yards that stood between my boy with the bread and me seems so small now that he is gone from that spot. I could easily have raced to him, held him in my arms, kissed him with such passion that proves I love him more than he could believe, taken him in from the growing cold. Take his pain away, the pain that I know I caused, from both the hijacked memories and the sense of losing me by my selfishness.

My mother snaps me back into reality with a question, "Are you and him fighting?"

I turn my gaze to my mother, she is still holding her gaze at the window, but her hand reaches to my shoulder. Slowly we lock gazes but she quickly drops hers and focuses on the stew that has been cooking. I don't answer her question. I don't want to admit that I am in a fight. I don't want to admit anything to her. How could she possibly understand?

She speaks again before I can think of something to divert the conversation to a lighter subject. "You know, darling. If you continue to fight with him you will never be able to rekindle the rocky relationship. Both Peeta and you have endured so much pain for one another. Both of you have promised to give your life away to protect one another. At least that is what Haymitch has said."

I can't help but roll my eyes at this. Both because she is lecturing me on my relationship and because she mentioned what Haymitch spoke of last night. I am about to walk out the doorway to the kitchen when she grabs me by the wrist.

When I turn around to face her that is when her hand connects with my face. I have just been _slapped_ by my own mother.

**Now, I know this is going to be very upsetting for Katniss. I hate being slapped by my mother, so I definitely know she will. But that is going to have to wait. We're going to check back up on Peeta in the next one.**


	4. The Inner Struggles

**Peeta's POV**

Once I got home there was nothing really to do because of the storm, except clean my house. The house is relatively clean anyway but I need to keep busy before I break something, have yet another flashback or go and make up with Katniss about something that is clearly her fault. It is well passed dinner by the time I finish cleaning my house and washing clothes. I scrounge around my cupboard looking for food that is not rotten or infested. No one ever cleaned out my house before now, so I decide the best thing to do is to starve for the night. Besides, I'm not _that_ hungry. Not after how upset I got.

My night is riddled with the same old nightmares of the Games, the hijacked memories, and of losing Katniss. Therefore when I wake, I feel as refreshed as I always do, miserable. I slowly get up and take a shower. Today I need to go to the bakery; I will be working another thirteen hour shift. So I am out the door by the time that the sun starts to rise. I stop in the street to give a glance at Katniss's home. I hope she is okay.

After several seconds of watching her house from the outside I cannot wait any longer from going to work. I make the half-mile tread to the bakery in the newly built town square. My bakery needs more work, however it is more than adequate for now. I have been able to hire a pair of younger kids to take the orders while I bake. The bakery itself won't open for another hour however I need to get the oven heated and start making bread.

And so this is how I spend my day—as I do most days—baking bread, designing cakes, trying new recipes, keeping my mind at bay. I lose myself in my work; I never have problems while I work. It is only when I stop that reality floods back to me. I stop because I have a customer that requests me by name. With the young boy calling me to the front I notice the curled blonde hair from a mile away. Standing in my storefront is Delly Cartwright, a long-time friend of mine. She had also helped me regain a lot of memories that were muddled and defended Katniss while I stayed at District 13.

Needing to get back to my work I invite her into the back telling her to wash her hands and pull back her hair, although she'd never touch any of my food. We catch up on the past few months of absence between us. She had remained living in District 13 for a few weeks after the rebellion ended then she moved to District 8 where she was helping the rebels make sense of things there. She obviously had no strength but she was very helpful in many other ways. Being able to recover things that were in tighter position for men to reach or what have you.

When she asks about me and Katniss and start off vague, talking little of the fight. She urges on, sensing that something is amiss, when I tell her she is in hysteria. "Peeta! Why would you do that? She is only frightened and obviously she is worried about your well-being if she ask your mentor! You need to hurry up and talk to her! Before it's too late."

I knew I should have never told her about it. I knew that she would get upset about this, although she has now right to. However as I let her words soak in I begin to realize that what she says is true, about Katniss only worrying about me. I mean I knew it was, but I was too blinded to see it clearly. "I will make up with her, after I am finished her tonight."

The rest of our conversation wraps up as she talks about staying somewhere for the night. I could offer up my house, however with me staying there for the night it might be awkward for her, as well as for me. Since I don't want another female near me while I sleep, even if is in another room or even another floor, than Katniss. She claims that she can stay in a friend's house, though not many friends are around anymore she did have a few from the Seam who seemed to have come back to their homes.

We bid farewell and she reminds me to make up with Katniss by the end of the night. I tell her that I will heed her warning and apologize promptly. However I become too engrossed in my cooking to dwell on any of those types of thoughts again.

After wrapping up by cleaning the shop and doing the paperwork it is night, a little after dinner, or what would be dinner if I were to go back to Katniss's house. Before I walk the half-mile to my house I decide to drop by what is left of the opened shops, grab a few things and walk back. I am able to get left over bread, a venison steak, the butcher gave at a discount, and potatoes for a dinner. Before I go to my house I stop to look through the kitchen window of Katniss's house.

Oh, how I long to see her. I realize now that I have calmed down that I went off too easily on her and should have been more patient. My nightmares that I never speak of come back to me even in daylight. I do not need to close my eyes and fall into slumber to see that I can easily lose Katniss now if we do not mend things soon. I cannot bare to bring myself to apologize for something that is not entirely my fault either. Whatever Delly and I spoke of earlier I blow off and decide for tomorrow, maybe Katniss will come to me first, though highly doubtful.

In my conflictions I notice that Katniss is at the window staring at me as I am her. Our eyes lock and I can feel the world fading away. I can feel the brush of her hand as she cups my face. I can feel the silk touch of her hair between my fingers. The flutter of her eyelashes as she hugs me with our faces pressed one another. Yet, above all, I can feel and I yearn for the soft touch of her lips. The lips that can create a kiss so innocent, yet fierce and hungry at the same time. My resolve to withstand not talking to her just yet almost breaks, but I am able to withstand my longing for my beloved.

I break off the staring competition we had and made my way to Haymitch's house. I give him the steak a few potatoes and a loaf of bread. He seems to want to say something to me but either he is too drunk and incapacitated at the moment or he refrains from speaking. I stand there for a few more moments without him saying anything and decide to bid him my farewell and good night.

I only have time to change clothes into some lounge pants and a plain shirt before there is a knock on the door. I am half expecting Haymitch to be stumbling his way to my house to decide to tell me afterall, or even Delly asking for a night rest here instead of the friend's house. So when I answer the door I am thoroughly shocked to see a bowl of fish and potato—no, tuber, stew and a half-forced smile peering at me.


	5. Forgiveness

**Katniss's POV**

It is a wake-up call when my mother slaps me. I can feel the heat as the skin is turning red and the sting that her fingertips left across my cheeks. I never knew my mother had any guts to do something like that. I stand with me head turned in the direction that she had slapped it and wait until she backs away from me until turning it to her.

Once she walks to the stew that is boiling I look at her. It isn't a glare but it isn't any less than a scowl. "What pretense do you have for slapping me? I let you stay in my house and I feed you. You will not treat me like this mother!"

She stares at me as though I just slapped her as well. "If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one. Adults don't run away from their problems, and they certainly can't ignore them either. Katniss you don't seem to understand what you have with Peeta. I thought maybe it was just a game for the Capitol just like everyone else did, but when we were in Thirteen I found out that it was much more than that. Your breakdown when you saw him hurt, how you couldn't move or think or feel anything but pain and sorrow. I don't need to be you to know the pain you felt for him, in case you've forgotten I suffered far worse with your father's death than you did in Thirteen."

A pang of mixed emotions swell into me, anger and regret and sorrow. I have forgotten that she knows what it feels like to lose your significant other, and I feel bad now for not being more patient with her when my father died, but what makes me mad is that she included him into our conversation. "Dad has nothing to do with my and Peeta's relationship. And even though you are right about your loss, you shouldn't bring him up. Besides, it is just an argument between the two of us. It's not like it's the end of the world."

"Last time we two had an argument you didn't talk for half a year, you gave a cold shoulder to one another and neither of you could stand being in the same room with each other." She points out.

It is true when this happened it was after the first Games and before the Victory Tour. He gave me the cold shoulder when I admitted my love for him was an act. I ignored him and flaunted my relationship with Gale, my best friend, after that. We rarely spoke to one another and were barely in the same room. It wasn't until our way to District Eleven that we rekindled our relationship.

"We made up. It's not like this argument is going to last that long anyways. We are the only people we have left. We'll forgive one another and we'll live like just last week. Content with our lives, trying to forget the horrors, and keeping ourselves busy to ward off nightmares and flashbacks. Beside even if it does take as long as last time, there is no one who could replace me in his heart nor there is no Gale to distract me from realizing my true feelings for Peeta."

She snaps her fingers and whispers "oh" she pulls out an envelope from her coat pocket. She suggested to it earlier but never got it out. On the front it is labeled "To Katniss" and the handwriting I recognize, it's not the curly writing like my mother's but the scribble that is Gale's. Before she hands it to me she says, "I want you to make up with Peeta before you read this. This is for both your and Peeta's eyes. Not just one. He visited me about a month ago. He thought you would have left Twelve and was surprised you still lived here. Now." she is looking into the stew with the letter in one hand and a ladle in the other. "Give Peeta a bowl. He'll be hungry and happy to have some I bet you."

A note from Gale? That peaks my interest a little. Although thinking about him only brings confusion and anger—which causes more confusion. I told myself I didn't want anything to do with him when Greasy Sae told me he was in Two. I told myself when Peeta came back that he is what I've been looking for, not Gale. I've done everything to get Gale out of my mind.

Once my mother ladled stew into a bowl. I decide to stop fighting with her and Peeta. There is really no point, and I am still trying to be nicer to her, although that didn't work out to well with our little argument just now and Peeta's fight with me doesn't help either. I put on my shoes. She hands me two bowls and napkins. She opens the door for me and I carefully walk down the steps onto the walkway. I make my way to Peeta's house.

I don't know how I manage to knock on the door without stew spilling but I do. After a few moments of waiting he opens the door. He expression is annoyed at first then once he sees me the annoyance wipes away. Replacing the previous look is one of confusion marked with joy. I suck in his appearance, my insides bubble with giddiness, but I am still upset with him. I smile, but not with all my heart, it feels forced just a little.

I wish I could just turn back time, to yesterday to stop the fight, because it feels awkward right now. Like as though we are reuniting in a ten year reunion. I don't know what to say, so I just continue to look into his eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes that melt my problems away. "Hey."

"Hey."

I push a bowl and napkin into his hands and I step into his hallway. "My mother thought that you would be hungry, so she offered I give you some stew to eat. I hope you don't mind."

"No of course I don't. Come sit down, I don't think we should eat standing up."

_Yeah, I don't think that's practical_. I follow him to his kitchen table without uttering my thought. Somehow I don't think being sarcastic will help in this situation. Sitting across from Peeta, I just gaze around the room for a while.

I don't know what I was expecting. This is the first time I've seen the inside of his house, and though I know the houses are practically identical, I somewhat thought that the house's insides were grandeur compared to mine. His house is very plain though. Very humble too. The furniture is the same, like the same ones I have in my house. The layout is similar though from what I could tell it's flip the staircase, kitchen, and living area on the other side of the hallway.

When I've had my fill of looking at his house I turn my attention back to him. Peeta's eyes are fixated on mine. Staring precariously at me though with a soft smile on his face. I become self-conscious at that moment. What is he thinking of? Is he staring at the remainder of my mother's slap? It wasn't long ago when she slapped me. Maybe a total of ten minutes, and I can still feel it a little bit, it's like a numbness on my cheek. Was he staring at my messy hair or my lack of changing from my hunting gear?

He is the first one to speak, "So what happened with your mother. Do you mind that I didn't tell you? I wanted it to be a surprise for you." he scoops up some broth and a piece of fish.

I don't say anything at first, I stuff my face with the broth, but I know I'll have to do more than just stare at him. "It was definitely a surprise, in more ways than one. But what can I do? Nothing really. I mean I am glad to see her, it's just that whatever I seemed to be mending has vanished with the distance. She is the same of course, but I feel awkward around her." _Just like now between the two of us._

We eat dinner. We don't talk much but he does compliment the food. As we sit in silence after dinner thunder begins to roll. Again, it is going to rain. I can honestly say that I am not looking forward to it. I don't mind rain but after the last rain I haven't really been too... stable. I get up to stretch and see Peeta do the same. "Well, its getting kind of late. Might as well go home." I stop for a second then add, "See you tomorrow."

I'm at the door when he grabs my hand, "I'll walk you there." My breath catches, the warmth from his strong hand is welcome but it catches me by surprise.

"It's only thirty feet, Peeta. But thank you."

"I want to do it." he says, his lips are curled up into a smile again.

We walk to my house, which is only three down from his, and though it should only take a minute or two, we walk slower. We don't talk but holding hands seems to be just as good. Maybe he's not mad at me after all. When we reach the front of my house I lean in to kiss his cheek.  
"Thank you Peeta."

He releases my hand and cups my cheeks brushes his hand over the spot where my mother's hand connected and leans in. He stops right before he is about to kiss me and takes a step back. "See you tomorrow, Katniss."

He starts to walk back to his own house. He has just passed my yard when I suddenly feel like he is leaving me forever. So what do I do? I run to him. Arms open and embrace his back, my arms wrapped around his stomach. He stops walking. We stand there for a few seconds and then I whisper to his back, "Stay with me."

"Always."


	6. Real or Not Real?

When I wake up in the morning I feel an arm over my stomach and another one under my neck. I turn around carefully, as not to disturb him but he is already awake. I stare into Peeta's blue eyes as he says the same thing, "No nightmares." To which I reply with a no, but rather that I did have a dream. A good one.

My dream started off with as though it was everyday life. I was walking to the town, no ash, no dead corpses, and a light snow beginning to fall. Before I even step foot in the square I can see the colors and decorations that the District sets up every year. It is the Harvest Festival. With no Capitol people in sight, other than our normal Peacekeepers, like Darius and Cray. Once I walk into the square completely I realize that I am late, I must be the last one to arrive. My mother is there, so is my father. Prim is on Gale's shoulders and his brothers and sister are running towards me. I look around trying to find my friends, or rather friend, and more importantly, Peeta. He's right in front of me in a second, planting a kiss on my forehead and embracing me ever so gently. After I exchange greetings with my friends and family the mayor is at the top of the stairs to the Justice Building. Giving us a speech and his daughter, Madge is standing next to him, beaming. We begin to dance and sing and have fun and then Peeta pulls my father and me to the side. He whispers something in my father's ear and he nods in agreement to whatever Peeta has asked or said. Then Peeta gets down on one knee and looks adoringly into my eyes and proposes.

I love Peeta and since I've decided to not fight with him anymore, to stop lying or hiding things from him I tell him the full dream. When I finish he doesn't talk, not immediately at least. He seems to be fighting something internally, or possibly just trying to figure out what to say. I sit up in bed, and turn to face him fully, and wait. When he does look at me I can see the weariness in his eyes. "So you _do_ want to marry me? For real? It's not just something that was made for the people of Panem?"

I open my mouth to speak but I stop. Do I want to marry him? I do love him without a doubt, but enough to be with him for the rest of our lives? To possibly have kids, raise them and grow old together? I've made up my mind.

Before I can answer him there is a knock on the door. My mother. She tells us the she has made breakfast already and it is waiting for us. As we dress he doesn't push the question anymore and I don't tell him. It seems bad, I know, that I don't tell him how I feel and what I want but him to ask again, so that I can have a reason to embrace him, a true reason, not some oh I want to give you a hug type of reason.

My mother doesn't speak about Peeta staying with me in my room. She probably thinks it's for the best anyways, that we have made up and are going to continue to live the way we have before the fight. He is something that keeps me happy, truly happy, and she sees it. She will not spoil my happiness for her uneasiness of our age or actions. Not that is matters, I am officially 18 as is he, and we are legal adults, we do not need her permission for our happiness or even marriage when we choose to marry.

While we eat I don't talk, but Peeta and my mother converse about their lives, catching up on the latest news from the districts or the Capitol, of everyday things. Breakfast is eaten, and the dishes are washed. My mother and Peeta talk for the remainder of the time him to open up the bakery. He offers her a special pastry of her choice and just for her to pick it up later in the day. My mother obliges and I walk Peeta into town.

We hold hands all the way to the bakery. We don't talk much, there is nothing much to say anyways, not for me at least. It's unusual though, Peeta almost always has something to tell me. He's acting a bit strange too, not bad-strange but more like unusual. As we reach the shop he stops and turns to me grabbing hold of my other hand as well. He speaks to me slowly, clearly trying to think of a way to say something with ease. "Your mother told me that Gale had visited her a few weeks ago. Did you know that?"

Now I know why he's been acting weird. He's probably worried of my reaction towards the news, something that my mother had already told me last night. I didn't care that he visited but what peaked my interest was a note that he left for both Peeta and me. There is nothing that I could imagine that Gale would have to tell Peeta, except how much he loathed the fact that Peeta won my heart over him.

"Yeah my mother mentioned it last night, before I gave you the stew. I can't say that I didn't care but more of that I still don't trust him. I guess. Because of the possibility of what happened. My mother also mentioned a note, but I never got it. She said it was for you too."

He takes a piece of paper from his coat's inner pocket. The letter. So my mother gave it to him. Before he can open it I tell him, "I don't want to read it. Not yet, I don't think I'm ready."

He puts the letter back in his coat pocket and smiles. Not a happy smile but a reassuring one. He kisses my hands that are in his one of his, and asks the most important question. A single question that he knows I have to give an honest answer to, no half-hearted attempts in sarcasm or compensation. "You love me. Real or not real?"

**Okay so I need feedback, lots of feedback.**

**I'm thankful to those who have read and I promise I'll have the next few in a couple hours or sometime tomorrow.**


	7. Thoughts and Preparations

**Sorry for the delay. I'll really try to update faster.**

**Peeta's POV**

When I ask Katniss the question, _"You love me? Real or not real?"_ I don't know what I was really expecting. I knew she loved me because of what she did the night before, with running after me, but I didn't expect such a solid answer either. She only took half a second to answer me with a yes. No explanation was truly after that, because I could tell she meant it, with all her heart.

The rest of the day I spent thinking only of her and the answer she gave me. The solid yes, no avoiding the question, no doubt in her voice, no worry of anyone else in her beautiful grey eyes. A few days passed and her mother went home to district four. And we continued to live together in the same house as we had before, walking up in one another's arms, getting dressed and eating breakfast with one another then I work and she hunts, she makes dinner and I bring home bread. We watch the fire flicker around and then go to bed. Sometimes I have nightmares, ones of losing Katniss or some that are of the Games. Katniss has nightmares at least once a week, but I am always there to calm her down. Always by her side.

As the Harvest Festival begins to roll around the days grow colder, windier, and packed with more snow. Then one night as we watch the flickering flames I begin to think of the dream Katniss told me the morning after we made up. One of how she dreamt of the two of us marrying off of her father's wishes. Me proposing to her the night of the Festival.

I stare at the flames and I think of our district tradition off the toasting of the bread. We could do it now, toast the bread and become as married as anyone else would feel in the district. However, I think that she would be happier with us in a ceremony of matrimony before the toasting. I begin to think of the wedding, who we'd invite, how we'd dress, who would dance and give gifts, who would help prepare… on and on the list goes in my head. Marrying Katniss is something that I have dreamt of for the longest time, since I gave her the bread. The marriage would also be a good way to make Katniss truly happy, and hopefully not bring any bad memories.

My thoughts become so engrossed in the marriage of the two of us that I don't even realize that Katniss is calling my name. It isn't until she is nudging my arm that I become aware of her and snap back into the present. "Peeta? Are you feeling alright?" she asked gently.

"Yeah, I was just thinking of something." As if she didn't already know that… so I add, "It isn't anything you need to worry about. You'll see sure enough."

In the morning, I kiss Katniss goodbye and make my way to the bakery. I want to plan a lot, not just for the wedding which we'll probably have Effie plan for us, since she's good at these things, but also for the Harvest Festival that is in two days. The officials of the district and President Paylor have decorated the square with better decorations than we normally have, and since everyone is relatively in better living conditions this year should be good. We'll have more things to do, more food to eat, something like last year but without the fakeness of it all.

I think that tomorrow I'll be making lots of bread and sweets to share, that will be free of pay of course, and I'm considering making a small cake special for Kathiawar. One that will be decorated in designs that she and her sister loved to look at, but something simplistic all the same.

Before I know it lunch has already come and gone and so did my chance to call Effie and tell her of my plan for the Harvest Festival. The more I think of it the more I think it would be a bad idea to tell her at first. She might tell everyone about it before I even get to propose to Katniss. Yeah... I think the best thing would be to tell Haymitch and maybe Katniss's mother about it first. Haymitch because he's like family and Katniss's mother to give her blessings.

Then after the Harvest Festival we could take a trip to District Four where her mother and Annie and maybe even Johanna if she hasn't gone back yet. We'll call Effie the day after the Harvest Festival and have her send out invitations and notices for everyone else. And if Katniss feels alright about it we could go see Gale personally.

Gale. Katniss still needs to see the letter he wrote for us. I've read it and I must say it is very uncharacteristic. However what he says is still impressive nonetheless. When he finds out he'll be upset and a little disappointed, but I think he might be happy for her in the very least. I'll show her the letter after the Festival and let her decide on what to do.

It is time for closing. When I am done I close up the shop and make my way back to the village. before I go to the house I stop by Haymitch's. He probably hasn't even seen the light of day in at least a day. as I walk up the stairs I can hear glass breaking from inside.

**Alright I realize this is past tense in the first part of the Chapter but it is just to fast-forward the story just a bit.**


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